You were everything to me and I know I shouldn’t have let you be everything but I had no choice, you were so beautiful to me, an I could sit and talk to you for hours or sit and not talk at all, all I ever wanted was to lie in your arms and now I feel so cold, so empty like your arms were holding me together and now I’m falling apart. I don’t even feel angry at all, just sad, I loved you so much and I feel as I I have lost my whole world- it’s unbearable I’m either crying or sitting here with a dead kind of stare that is ripping my soul open, I feel lifeless, hopeless, pointless. I just have to get by but there is this hole inside of me I can’t fill and I miss you o miss you so so so so fucking much, I’m in so much pain and nothing will help. I feel so alone, as if I have no one and I don’t, I mean I have ——-, I have ———/ but they have people too, you’re there for me I know that but that’s not the same is it? I feel sick, tired and achey but nothing will help. I just want to lie in your shitty little room next to you and listen to you talk about the world or lie next to you silently awake or blissfully asleep. I want to feel you breathing behind me, your belly fitting perfectly into my back and your fingers intertwined with mine, I want you. I want you brushing the hair out of my face, pressing your lips against my forehead and telling me that everything will be fine. I want you running your fingertips gently across my eyebrow until I am asleep, all the bad thoughts gone. I’ll trust you, I’ll forgive you, I will do anything for you but I just want you to be happy, I want to see you smile, it is al I want, I want you to look happy to see me, I want you to miss me. And as much as I don’t want you to feel pain I kind of want it to hurt for you like it hurts for me, the pain of missing you… But I don’t think it does
I just need to hear you say something’s cause if you say it I can trust that it’s true, I promised that much.